Bros Before…Well, You Know.

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Image source Jezebel.com

Bromance? Bro-ing out? Brozone? What exactly is a bro and why does it seem to be taking over the English language? In a post last week, Jezebel defined a bro as: “An adult male whose social life revolves around collegiate homosocial bonding and who also presents himself in a way that assimilates to the prevailing aesthetic of men with similar socialization patterns.” So, basically, guys that hang out together. Jezebel also provided an analysis of the varying types of regional bros across the country – from skinny jeans to Vineyard Vines pants, and boat shoes to cowboy boots – the bros are everywhere and they aren’t going extinct.

Here are a few characteristics that I found particularly amusing. Any of these fit your “type” of guy? More importantly, any surprise out there that “the Masshole’s” secret shame is that “they feel very little shame”? Yea, thought so.

The Masshole

Uniform: Polo shirt, backwards BoSox cap, white Adidas shoes. Shamrock tat. That. Accent.
Habitat: Dive bars. Fenway. Massive L-shaped couch in a white-walled apartment.
Hobbies: Driving like an aggressive dick, throwing around homophobic insults like it’s the early 90’s.
Secret shame: They feel very little shame.
Celeb brospiration: The Wahlberg brothers

The Brooklyn Bro

Uniform: skinny jeans, a plaid shirt, beard (optional), glasses (mandatory), forearm tats, Hitler Youth haircut. Closed shoes, always. When hipster is ubiquitous, hipster becomes bro. Let that sink in.
Job: Says he’s a “writer,” is actually in advertising.
Drink of choice: IPA (because let’s be honest: if you’re rich enough to live in most parts of White Brooklyn, you’re rich enough to afford fancy beer)
Habitat: Dive bars, farmer’s markets, bike paths
Hobbies: Gentrifying, reading the New Yorker on the train, openly smoking pot on the sidewalks of Bushwick (totally untouched by law enforcement) while bemoaning the fact that pot is illegal.
Secret shame: Really gets into March Madness and/or the Stanley Cup. Didn’t think Mitt Romney was really that bad a candidate.
Celeb brospiration: Oddly enough, it’s Adam Levine

The LA Bro

Uniform: Knit cap in warm weather, ironic tank top, comfortable shorts, flip flops, lazy beard, shades.
Job: Agent or something. He’s friends with Zac Efron. He’s on the list, okay?
Hobbies: Weekend trips to Vegas with the boys. Name dropping.
Secret shame: Barely-under-control coke problem.
Celeb brospiration: Brody Jenner

Posted by Amanda

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