Kate Upton, You’re Breaking My Heart

Kate… Please. Don’t.

Kate Upton has done the unthinkable. No, she hasn’t done steroids. No, she hasn’t committed a crime (although it ought to be). No, she hasn’t even started a reality show.

Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Kate Upton is dating Puff Daddy aka P. Diddy aka Diddy aka D-.

I’m not mad because she’s 20 and he’s 43. Although this was the #1 Album when he was born:

ben1Image source Wikipedia

And this was the #1 Album when she was born:

ben2Image source Wikipedia

I’m not even mad that she looks like this:

ben3Image source GotCeleb.com

And, well….

ben4Image source RappingManual.com

Really, what it comes down to is personality. The guy who made someone go all the way to Brooklyn just to get him cheesecake

ben5Image source TheUrbanDaily.com

and was instrumental in the ruining of hip-hop music (and Jimmy Page’s legacy at that)…

ben6Image source Wikipedia

…. Is dating the girl who taught us how to dougie,

kate-upton-dougieImage source FreeBeacon.com

Who let Daniel Tosh stab her with a banana,

Stabbing Image source FreeBeacon.com

And who almoooosttt went to prom with a high school senior (so close, buddy).

ben8Image source DailyNews.com

I know I have less of a chance of dating Kate than that kid had of taking her to prom. That’s not what this is about, haters. What’s going on here is that it always hurts to see someone who is such a spectacularly beautiful person inside and out date a guy who wore flashy metallic suits while floating in a wind tunnel, mouthing crappy lyrics in a shitty rap song.

Well, at least she isn’t dating Chris Brown.

ben9Image source Billboard.com

Posted by Ben

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