Quit Playing Games with My Heart, Ry-Guy

maryImage source Tumblr

OMG, Ryan Gosling. I’m in love with you. You know, in a never-met-you-but-dream-about-our-future-together kind of way. Not in a creepy way, though, obviously!!! So why must you keep your almost-BSB fate from me? Are you trying to sabotage our long-term relationship?

According to the gals at Jezebel, you had the chance to join my other BFs, the Backstreet Boys, back in the 90’s, but your lack of resourcefulness kept you from boy band super-stardom. Not going to beat around the bush here, Ry. You really blew it.

Let’s talk about could’ves and should’ves for a quick sec. I’m sure your stint with the Mickey Mouse Club left you with some pretty well-connected child-stars’ digits. Couldn’t Christina or Britney have given you AJ’s number? Yes, I know those days were pre-texting, but it shouldn’t have been that hard.

(And stop acting all jealous because I called the BSB guys my boyfriends. It’s not like our relationship, okay!?)

I think we can both agree that the BSBoys’ newfound NKOTBSB image (acronym overload! LOL. WTF?) is no match for your current tough, ladies’ man persona, but if all else fails in the acting world, it’s nice to know that bad boy Backstreet member AJ McLean is willing to welcome you to the band. May I suggest an appropriate song to sing when you join them once and for all?

Oh, and one more thing: I know you’re shy and all, but you’d think I would have heard your apparently songbird-like voice by now considering our devoted relationship. I’m expecting a lullaby later. BSB tracks only, please.

Posted by Mary

One response to “Quit Playing Games with My Heart, Ry-Guy

  1. I love your use of acronyms in this post almost as much as I love the Gozzle.

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