Don’t Mess With My Dessert!

UntitledImage source The Gazette

I’ve got mad respect for pastry chefs. They work in cold rooms, often alone or with just a few comrades (perhaps by choice?), and they have to make all those damn quenelles. There are ingredients to be weighed, chocolate to be tempered and temperatures to be held. It’s an artful science.

But to all you pastry chefs, I humbly beg: Please, for the love of god, don’t mess with my dessert! I don’t want whimsy without substance. I want to finish my meal with gusto and indulgence, not a third rate science experiment. I love food that takes cooking to the limits, but just don’t take it over the edge.

A recent post here about Cheetos-flavored macarons compels me to identify a few of the worst offenders:

The Cheeseburger Ice Cream Sundae with Crazy Toppings


A little bit weird? You’re “a little bit apprehensive,” Chef Adrian Bustamante? Cheddar and caramelized onion ice cream! Candied beef sprinkles! FYI, if you hate your family, this is really easy to make with the kids at home.

Bacon & Eggs Macarons

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A childhood incident involving shredded, dyed coconut has left me incredibly wary of foods that provoke cognitive dissonance. These cookies don’t taste like bacon and eggs, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t a total waste of time.

Heston Blumenthal’s Victorian Absinthe Jelly


Heston Blumenthal, brilliantly imaginative British Chef and master of my worst nightmares, served this vibrator-powered pièce de résistance at a Victorian Feast. But if that’s not overtly sexual enough for you, perhaps you’ll enjoy the Ejaculating Cake served at Heston’s Roman Feast. It’s just what it sounds like, or something.


Eat up!

Posted by Susannah

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