Hey Cosmo, Thanks for that Awesome Relationship Advice!

Cosmo may not be moving the feminist cause forward but it is filled with 101 tips for being flirty, fun and fabulous. The editors trade in alliteration and listicles and let me tell you, they do a bang-up business. The advice they give can be questionable (shoestrings have no place between the sheets) but it is reliably hilarious! Case in point: “Flirting Tips That Make Men Worship You.” (“Why You Need to Have Vampire Sex” can wait for another day.)

I’ll give the writer a hyperbole hall pass and assume that we’re all aware that positioning yourself as some sort of low-level sex goddess is probably not the first step towards a healthy, meaningful relationship, but let’s take a look at some highlights from this amazing roundup:

  1. Go Balls Out. (Translation: be confident.) “Next time you’re going out with your girls, get a blowout and throw on your favorite mini.” Yes. Confidence is totally sexy! But nobody looks more vulnerable than the girl with a professional hairdo and a too-short skirt with doubts about her intelligence or personal strength. Really.
  2. Talk Yourself Up. This works in the boardroom and the bedroom! But walking down the street while telling yourself, as Cosmo suggests, “’I am sexy, and any guy would be lucky to talk to me’” reeks of vulnerability. How about “I’m f***ing fabulous all by myself!”
  3. Be a Great Listener. Again, good advice. Because you should signal that you’re interested and confirm that you share interests with a guy, not because you need to ego-stroke that “drool-worthy dude you’ll bump into in a[n] Arizona Cardinals tee.” He sounds like a loser anyway.
  4. Bring in Reinforcements. To summarize: bring your sexy friends to lure him in. “Just make sure to let them know that when you start connecting with someone, they can back off.” If you’re a terrible friend, you’re probably a terrible date. Just saying.
  5. Get Hands-y. Touch him on the arm to make a point, because that’s to show you’re being totally sincere. Also, say “literally.” Because that means absolutely nothing.

Happy hunting, ladies. Love is a battlefield.

Posted by Susannah

Image source Cosmopolitan

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