Ode to Orange Goo

Image source The Beauty Department

I have an unreasonable issue with people who exaggerate. It’s the reason I can’t stand Bruno Mars. When would he ever need to “catch a grenade for you” or “die for you baby?” in real life? Never.

But I feel the need to admit that the hyperbolic phrase “I can’t live without it” recently exited my mouth about something typically considered less than life-changing: self-tanner.

Don’t judge. I’m not orange (co-workers, break it to me gently if I am) and I don’t consider myself overly focused on my appearance, but I’d be lying if I said the bronzey goo hasn’t changed my life. Could I live without it? Yes. But I’d rather not think about what that would be like…

See, as a youngin’ (AKA up until a few years ago), I hit up indoor tanning beds more than I’d like to admit. My skin still hasn’t forgiven me (and neither has my mom), but I still have an irrational idea that my typically freckled Irish skin looked better with that tan.

Thankfully for my tanning complex and my pale complexion, self tanner graces the shelves of every pharmacy, beauty shop and supermarket. The palm-staining gel acted like a nicotine patch as I struggled to get over my tanning addiction (not kidding, I think that’s a real thing), and now it makes me look a little more alive regardless of the number of hours of sunshine outside.

As a former broke-as-a-joke college student and now fledging (read: I earn every cent I make!) account coordinator at mm/c, my beauty related budget isn’t a priority in the scheme of things (I’m currently using $3.00 NYC bronzer until I can afford a trip to Sephora), so I stick to the less pricy varieties of the tanning gunk. I’ve tried all the Natural Glow variations, Neutrogena Build-A-Tan, even the kind that you spray on your body like spray paint (not a fan), and I’ve settled on what I consider the best bang for your buck in the realm of bronzing remedies: L’Oreal Sublime Bronze. Fair warning – it has sparkly stuff in it, but it makes my pale skin a little less translucent and it doesn’t look (too) unnatural. Jackpot.

Plus, anything that keeps me out of tanning beds deserves a shout out. And maybe what I said before isn’t all that much of an exaggeration. A product that keeps me away from the melanoma-inducing rays of tanning booths is a lot more necessary than that dress you “can’t live without.”

Posted by Mary

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