The Latest in Unnecessary Kitchen Tools: The Dog Dicer

When I was little, I spotted an apple slicer at the grocery store and forced my mother to buy it for me. I was right in the middle of an apple phase, refusing to eat them whole and disliking the time it took to cut up (10 seconds was too long for my 8-year-old attention span). This was the beginning of a short-lived fascination with these [insert task at hand]-made-easy products.

Today, an endless supply of gadgets exist to “make life easier,” including ShamWow and Slap-Chop (touted by creep-master Vince Shlomi who was arrested a few years back for beating up a hooker), but, for the most part, they tend to fall short of what they claim to do, are made cheaply, and generally are just pretty stupid. But just when I thought these things had reached the pinnacle of ridiculousness, I came across The Dog Dicer (thank you, Guyism).

Ok, I get it, hot dogs are DANGEROUS!!! Today 1 in 3 overweight children forget to chew, and parents are forced to remember what they can from learning about the Heimlich maneuver in 8th grade. I mean, really?! Does one 6-7” hot dog absolutely need to be cut into 48 pieces? And, if so, does it really need a special tool to do so? Have knives become passé?

Whoever invented this thing is seriously savvy, though. Talk about taking advantage of parental fear. In 2010, it was reported that 10,000 kids under the age of 14 were treated for choking on food, with hot dogs as the culprit 17% of the time. A lifesaver for just $9.95 (plus shipping + handling, natch); totally lame…but, why didn’t I think of that?!

Posted by Haley

Image Source Macaroni Kid

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