I’m going to make what may be considered a bold statement: there is no condiment as American as ketchup. “But, what about mayo?!” you may cry. And you’d be wrong, because other countries have the market cornered on the egg/oil combo with aioli, remoulade and the like. Gloppy store-bought Hellmann’s just can’t compare (not even the kind made with olive oil, mmmk). Rather, it’s the tell-tale tangy, sweet/salty flavor of ketchup that offers a true taste of Americana in condiment form.
No, I’m not a spokesperson for Heinz (though maybe I should be) — I’m just a gal who grew up dousing everything from grilled cheese sandwiches to broccoli in ‘chup and has to restock the bottle at least once a month. Let’s put it this way: even if I haven’t been to the grocery store in weeks and my pantry resembles the craft services table at a Vogue photo shoot, you can rest assured that there’s a bottle of ketchup perched resolutely in my fridge.
So you can imagine that the news of Hidden Valley’s bid to position ranch as America’s new go-to condiment has me somewhat incensed (okay, maybe not up-in-arms outraged, but probably a higher proportion of pissed than a sauce warrants). The mayo-based dressing peddler recently rolled out a creamier, thicker product dubbed Hidden Valley For Everything, packaged in a ketchup-shaped bottle sporting a label that reads “The New Ketchup.”
Are we forgetting that there’s an OBESITY problem in this country??!! Not that ketchup is exactly a health food, but it’s pretty damn irresponsible to push adding a product with 15 grams of fat/serving to restaurant tables and bill it as a universal topping, IMHO.
Sure, ranch has its place in moderation on crudité platters and trays of wings, but as a competitor to ketchup? Bitch, don’t even try.
Posted by Abby
Image source Hidden Valley