While flipping through the latest issue of Playboy (don’t judge; it’s my job to read everything—and that means everything), I read Justin Timberlake’s interview where he inevitably has to address the Fat/Talentless Britney issue. As the King and Queen of late-90s teenyboppers, Justin and Britney famously dated, a long and illustrious relationship that piqued (in my opinion) when they attended an awards show wearing matching head-to-toe denim outfits. Of course, reporters think it’s interesting to get massively talented and widely respected Justin’s take on the sad situation that is today’s Britney Spears.
In the interview, the writer mentions an Old Britney vs. New Britney video that compares today’s Britney to the awesomely fantastic Britney of 1999-2001, aka the pre-Kevin Federline days. Always a gentleman (except for that one time that he told Barbara Walters he and the virginal Brit used to bone hardcore), Justin defended Britney saying that there’s no way even he could do some of the dance moves in his videos from the early 2000s.
While I find that hard to believe (he brought sexy back, after all), it got me thinking that it’s a pop culture travesty that we’ve lost Britney Spears. Yes, she’s still alive, but the chick is dead to me. She records albums, makes music videos and goes on tour, but it’s all lacking what made Britney Britney. I’ll be the first to admit she can’t sing for shit, but the girl could always perform. Not so much these days. She just waddles around, half-assing the moves. The confidence and stage presence is totally gone. And I know exactly what she needs to do to get it back: lose 20 pounds. Not to be cruel or anything, but when you’re on stage in little more than a bathing suit, it’s probably not that easy to shake your ass when your hips, thighs and gut shake too. All that she needs to do is get her ass to the gym and I guarantee in less than six months she could be busting moves like she did back in 2000.
C’mon Britney, I know you can do it. What’s a better way of saying “fuck you” to all the bloggers out there (like me!) who say you’re a has-been?! Tighten that shit up, get back together with Timberlake (he’s single!), start an all-denim evening dress line (William Rast Couture, anyone?) and make me eat my words.
Posted by Amelia