Show Us Your O-Face, Mr. President

Image source About.com

Earlier this year, Match.com conducted its 2nd annual Singles in America survey, taking a comprehensive look at the lifestyles, attitudes, and ideals of 6,000 singles aged 21+ across the country. While it seems that every other study out there contradicts the one before it, the results in this case are pretty entertaining, albeit not really groundbreaking. Not only do we learn women hate bad sex (no kidding?!), but it turns out that ambition is a turn-on (wow!), and we get pickier the older we get (go figure!).

Probably the most intriguing finding here is that Republicans reported the highest frequency of orgasm of all survey participants…yet also copped to having the least amount of sex. Over 50% of self-identified conservative Republicans admitted — anonymously & online — to reaching climax almost every time they had sex, while just 40% of liberal Democrats said the same.

With this being an election year, I can’t help but wonder what those running for office might think about this. On the one hand, a sexually satisfied president could make for an efficient one (hey, Clinton did ok)…on the other, maybe the reason our country is so totally screwed — no pun intended — is ‘cause Bush spent too much time in his wife’s. (Wait..what? Oh, yes, we di-id…)

That being said, this is just a singles survey…

Posted by Haley

Penis Tattoo Causes This Man a Permanent Journey

Image source Men’s Fitness

While this story hit the news circuit earlier this year, I somehow just came across it; consider this my personal public service announcement for any guy contemplating getting a tat on his privates who, like me, missed this tale of woe the first time ‘round.

When someone gets a tattoo, I think one of the first questions people ask you is “ooh did it hurt?!” I can’t imagine what this no-named 21-year-old Iranian man would say after the tattoo on his penis caused him to have a permanent erection… (From a glass half full perspective, at least he can still get it up, right?)

Tattoos are said to be addickting (sorry, had to!), but on your male parts…really? After realizing his woodies were lasting a little too long, he attempted to have surgery to make the thing go down, but it was unsuccessful; the ink had penetrated too deep. But, because he can still live a pain-free, sex-full life, the man has decided to live with his condition. I can’t imagine having to explain that one.

Oh and just to add to this ridiculous disaster, the tattoo reads “borow be salaamat,” meaning “good luck with your journeys” followed by the letter “M,” the initial of his girlfriend’s first name. Trust me dude, it’s going to be the trip of a lifetime!

Posted by Dorothy

We Really ARE Winners!

Image source BostInno

Well, the last post I did on this I wrote as a matter of course, but it turns out we really DO have a large, supportive following! Thank you all for having a marvelous sense of humor and putting up with our shenanigans.

Now let’s get serious. You helped us skate into the nominee bracket, and now it’s time to sail into the winners circle.

Since you all proved to be such obedient dedicated m. blog junkies, the real voting begins now! Please take a moment to vote for us as Best Advertising/Marketing Blog in BostInno’s Insider Awards! If we win, maybe we’ll throw a party and invite those we saw Tweeting and Facebooking about us; seriously, Marlo throws a mean par-tay.

Need some more hilarious inspiration to get you through your day? Here’s another sprinkling of some of our faves…

1. That time Haley wrote about that Canadian porn film
2. That time Abby wrote a haiku about being single
3. That time Emily discovered her unborn child had a Facebook account (not really, but it can happen, apparently!)
4. That time Amelia revealed her obsession with handicapped pets
5. The time Sam figured out when his mom asked “Are you gay?” he could have said “there’s an app for that!” (it’s also maybe the only post he’s ever written…)
6.  That time I went shopping at A Pea in the Pod
7. That time Alyssa said Sugar Honey Iced Tea! in her blog for the first time (and probably ever?)
8. That time we discovered MAN REPELLER before ANY OTHER BLOG! We should win for this post alone.

Now spread the LOVE people — voting goes through February 15! We’ve been talking way too much trash in our posts to lose; don’t make us look like assholes.

Posted by Hannah

More Like an Un-Happy Meal

Image by //ZERO via laist.com

How desperate would you have to be to peddle your body to strangers—Chicken McNugget-desperate? According to Khadijah Baseer, the answer is a resounding yes. Finding herself at a $0.99 deficit for the heavily processed orbs of “chicken,” Baseer offered oral sex to drive-thru customers at a Burbank, CA Mickey D’s in exchange for her treat of choice. Alas, the craving went unfulfilled and all she got was a misdemeanor solicitation charge. Gotta admire her tenacity though!

Perhaps if she caught a glimpse of the mechanically separated meat paste that makes up those nugs, she’d have at least opted for a Big Mac. Don’t sell yourself short, honey! Go for the KFC drumsticks next time!

Posted by Abby

Why We’re Winners

Image by BostInnovation

Dear Loyal m.blog Readers,

Today, we ask for your help; your help to win.

Don’t get us wrong, we win on a daily basis (have you seen all the press we get our clients!?). At the risk of using a taboo hash tag, our team of talented guys and dolls goes into every day with a #winning mindset, which is why Sam starts his morning (or shall we say, mid-morning) with a mocha-marijuana-valium-vodka latte. Yes, we actually have a mug in the office that says that.

All jokes aside, we want to win BostInnovation’s Insider Awards. Why? Because the awards celebrate “crushing content & dropping knowledge,” which is pretty much the m.blog’s tag line…at least it is now.

We shouldn’t have to spell this out for you, but we’re nice (sometimes), so we will. Five days a week for the past three years, we’ve provided you with snark, wit, charm, honest insight and heartfelt hatred. Not to mention, we’ve educated you on new words, vaginas (and vajazzling!), recycling beef fat into your beauty routine and how to tell if your son is gay.

We’re not just about gossip and entertainment, either. We teach you etiquette, like how to not be a douche while using public transportation, the steps you can take to avoid being trashy, what to do if you find yourself with a dude who has two…um…peni? and how to ace a walk of shame.

We reminisce about the days of yore, when life was better, simpler (a.k.a the 90s), tell you personal anecdotes, and demonstrate that working in PR is not just one big fabulous party. Together, we’ve experienced history, like when Alyssa actually got engaged after making Glamour’s engagement chicken recipe, blogged about it, and was then chosen by Glamour to be featured in the magazine in a story on the famous recipe. OH WAIT, then she got flown to NYC for a photo shoot to model a Vera Wang wedding dress, get styled by Vera herself and be photographed by Patrick Demarchelier. That’s right, the m.blog changes lives.

The point is, we go there. We’ve been givin’ it to you straight for some time now, without fearing whether you’ll judge us, find us rude, lewd or crude. We’ve never asked anything of you, but now we’ve come to collect. In exchange for all the entertainment we’ve provided you, all the mornings we’ve spent stressed out over finding a worthy enough blog topic, please vote for the m.blog in BostInnovation’s Insider Awards for the best Advertising/Marketing blog.

We may be awesome, but you’re the ones who inspire us to be that way. So in the immortal words of Jerry Maguire, help us help you by spreading the word!

Facebook it, Tweet it, LinkedIn it, Google Plus it, Pin it, make it your Gmail status, pretend like you’re in the Girl Scouts again and send it to your daddy at work…we don’t care, we just want to win!

Oh, and voting for the nomination phase ends January 27. Chop chop!  (Editor’s update 2.2.2012: voting phase ends February 15.  Seriously-choppity chop chop chop!)

(We’ll even do all the work for you. For your posting pleasure: #vote for @marlomarketing’s m.blog in @BostInnovation’s #InsiderAwards Advertising/Marketing category http://tinyurl.com/7rtgfvf)

Posted by Hannah