The Emoji: Totally Worth a Thousand Words

It’s the question of the 21^st century: in a world increasingly interconnected online, are we losing touch with real meaning? Read texts between Romeo and Juliet and be the judge. Driving and texting isn’t the only form of miscommunication that leads to tragedy, obviously. YOLO, Juliet, YOLO.

I have resisted emoticons for years. I love words and have long felt that a smiley face, cheeky wink or mopey frown just doesn’t live up to the intricacies of human expression. Texting and email sacrifice subtlety for efficiency’s sake and in business – especially in a business where communication is key – that’s obviously important. For Shakespeare, I’m not so sure.

Using smiley faces and cutesy winks to communicate makes my skin crawl slightly, but that’s not to say I’m above it. Sometimes you just can’t say it was a f^%$ing joke, damn it. And I don’t mind it when other people use them, but it’s not for me.

Does it make me a hypocrite then that I emojis? I’ve resisted updating to iOS 6 because I can’t part with Google Maps, but I’m pretty jealous of all those new emojis that come with the new system. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words… or something completely inexplicable. An emoji recipe?

Some of my favorites:

Bloody footprints or something less sinister?

Two, count ‘em, TWO kinds of dromedaries!

A beeper on your iPhone. Ironic!

I can’t wait until I need to make an Easter Island reference in a text.

Emoticons? 

Emojis? - wait! I mean

Posted by Susannah

My Bitch, Siri

$200: the price you pay to become someone’s boss. ( I actually prefer the title “Master.”)

Siri is my new bitch and I am pretty damn happy about it. Siri allows you to be the laziest possible version of yourself. I mean, we should have seen this coming right? Who has the time to set their own alarm clock anymore? If I’m lying in bed about to fall asleep, what makes you think I deserve anything less than being able to yell “Siri, wake me up at 6 am!” You’d be foolish to think I am actually picking up my phone, looking at it, and then pressing a few buttons. Same goes for texting. At this point in our technological progress, why risk carpal tunnel? I’d much rather play it safe and tell Siri what to send to my friends, looking forward to her reading their replies out loud. And if you, like me, were blessed with an immature boyfriend, rest assured he will have the time of his life with this feature. The first night Siri came into my life, I received a series of the most ridiculous, vulgar texts possible just so he could hear Siri say them. Here is a lovely example: “Your butt smells like hot garbage on a midsummer’s morning.” Did I mention he’s 24 years old?

The most fantastic and generation-appropriate talent Siri has is her ability to help you out when you’ve had one too many drinks. Simply say, “Siri, I’m drunk.” She will reply with something like, “I have found 24 cabs in your area, would you like me to call one?” One word: amazing.

Everything is going well so far in the honeymoon stage of our relationship. When I told her I loved her, she replied with “I hope you aren’t saying that to other mobile devices.” She might get a bit jealous at times but that’s okay, it shows she cares. If video games, Facebook, and Twitter haven’t already destroyed the thought of person-to-person social contact, Siri will certainly take care of that. Why talk to people when you can talk to a loving, obedient robot?

Posted by Carley

One Man’s Techno Trash….

I recently noticed my dishwasher leaking. When our landlord came to inspect, he determined that the relic (an original wood-paneled 1964 Hobart ‘Inspiron’) had bitten the dust at long last. While discussing replacement options, he shared a little handyman insight, explaining how appliance manufacturers today (unlike in 1964) intentionally half-ass production to ensure that the racks rust out within a fairly predictable 5-year timeframe. Further, they price the replacement parts at roughly half the cost of a whole new machine, to encourage full replacement as opposed to repair.

Though I don’t believe all of what he said (this is my sketchy landlord we’re talking about after all), I must agree that techno-gadgety-appliance-things don’t hold up like they used to and, in certain instances, seem to suspiciously self-destruct right when a newer model launches, phones in particular. In addition to  the environmental damage this is causing – in 2007 Gizmodo estimated that 426,000 phones were trashed daily, totaling 155,490,000 a year! – this pattern of constant upgrades is eternally expensive and annoying.

That being said, two weeks ago I was cleaning my desk and just as I was dropping my iPhone 2G in the garbage I recalled a link someone sent to an iPhone auction site. Though I’m too lazy for online auctions, a quick Google search brought me to www.cashforiPhones.com – GENIOUS! Type in your model and any technical issues, get an instant quote and then they send you a pre-paid mailer. Upon receipt they email you to confirm the final tally and then they pay you via PayPal…my ‘trash’ was worth $85 – caching$! The site also accepts iPods, smartphones and BlackBerrys. No idea where this passé technology is going or how it’s being reused so I can’t say this is a wonderful ‘green’ fix, but who cares – easy money!

Posted by Sam

Just Call Me Always Hungry

If this isn’t a good enough reason to switch from a Blackberry to an iPhone, I really just don’t know what is. A cell phone cover that looks like Japanese food. Like really looks like Japanese food. Looks so much like Japanese that now I’m extremely hungry.

The person who designed this must have read my mind, because 1. I am finding reasons to get rid of my Whackberry, and 2. My largest weakness is Asian food. Since Strapya World, the Japanese retailer behind this delectable product, doesn’t make the phone cover for a Blackberry, I may have to order in an iPhone. I wonder if Apple signed a contract with this phone accessory vendor, because that would be the best stealing-customers-from-your-competitor scheme ever!

The cover comes in a realistic looking Bento Sushi Roll; Yakisoba, which looks like really great lo-mein; Tonkatsu, which I must try ASAP; and a good ol’ Sunny Side Up Egg with Bacon.

I wish the cell phone cover emitted the smell of Japanese food, because unlike my opinion on the meat billboard of North Carolina, that would rock. Purposefully forgetting the price of the iPhone, at $43 each, the cover is the equivalent price of a decent Asian meal — and I’m craving it already.

Posted by Amanda

Let the UN-Friending/Following Begin…

Back in January, I revealed my inclination to check my horoscope each morning before leaving the house. Today, I expand upon this routine: Facebook. Just as I can’t help but check out Perez Hilton mid-day, I seem to automatically type in f-a-c-e-b-o-o-k-.-c-o-m as my sleepy eyes slowly open. I do this even though I’d generally like to click the highly-desired “dislike” button on most of the items on my news feed.

GQ recently published “Eighteen People You’re Scared Of On Facebook,” and boy, did they hit the nail on the head. As I flipped through the slideshow — Relentlessly Disingenuously Humble Self-Promoter, Misery Lady, Person Who Never Met A Facebook Quiz He Didn’t Like — I realized that there are more than a handful of Facebook friends who GQ’s hilarious feature described. That being said, I didn’t really do anything about it but laugh.

Now, it’s like we’ve hit the penultimate level of internet craziness. We just HAVE to take advantage of all these great tools ALL the time, don’t we!?!?! You can pretty much assume that not only does someone have a Facebook account, but Twitter, too, and probably an old MySpace, AOL screen name, college-required blog floating around the www, Foursquare, iPhone apps, and MORE! In fact, if you don’t, you’re kinda lame.

Well, we’re in luck. Gawker’s Brian Moylan is now encouraging us to do the unthinkable: The unfriending/unfollowing. GULP! When at one time we wanted to brag about the number of friends and followers we had (and many still do), Moylan tells us “Feel bad no more!” and says of the above-mentioned, “These are the people you must ditch now.” He elaborates in the witty and accurate,“The Eight Types of People to Unfollow on Twitter or Defriend on Facebook.”

I do sorta feel bad contemplating the murder of an internet friendship. For some of you, it’s the only type of friendship we have, but, I can’t keep doing this to myself. It’s you, not me, and I need to stop wanting to throw my laptop out the window every time I read an update. I encourage all of you to do the same. “Just like the winner of The Biggest Loser, life going to be so much easier to do that once you get rid of all the excess.”

Posted by Haley