I’d Like To Say This Will Be My Last David Hasselhoff Post…

Image source Franksemails.com

But I can’t make any promises.

The Hoff’s crazy antics have granted him plenty of m.blog attention over the last couple of years (need I remind you about The Hoffsicle and his strong (drug-related) feelings?).

Now, just in time for the holidays, our pal Davey is at it again. Hasselhoff’s latest project, Lifetime movie The Christmas Consultant, follows a workaholic mom who hires The Hoff’s overgrown elf persona to plan her family’s Christmas merriment. Look out, Oscars…

Let’s be real here – the plot’s not exactly riveting. But Hoff’s ridiculous plastered grin and goofy anecdotes were enough to make me LOL at the TV screen while watching his slightly disturbing Lifetime debut. Don’t believe me? Watch the drama ensue in two of my personal favorite scenes: The Nutcracker Offense (apologies for nightmares resulting from Hoff’s face at 0:55) and The Perfect Tree (his sneaky lurking behind the pines in this one is equally terrifying).

I can’t force you to watch it, but if nothing else, follow this advice: If David Hasselhoff shows up at your door with plans to ease your Christmas-planning stress, hide your kids.

Posted by Mary

Hasselhoff’s Hooked on…Something

During some research for a recent piece about “The Hoffsicle,” I came across what has to be one of the most mind-boggling and mesmerizing music videos in existence. It has stuck with me over the past few weeks for obvious reasons, so I felt the need to bring it to the attention of all you faithful m.blog followers. How I had never seen the bizarre video accompanying this classic is beyond me. Let’s call it a reminder of what David Hasselhoff’s music career once was — clearly based on heavy drug use.

Trust me, take a few minutes out of your day to watch The Hoff’s video for “Hooked on a Feeling.” If you find yourself unable to shift your gaze from the computer screen or wipe the confused expression from your face, don’t be distressed. Three and a half minutes of thought-provoking lyrics like “Hooga hooga ooga-chakka!” and contorted green screen images of flying kindergarteners (1:13) tend to do that to a sane person.

For me, this 2002 clip confirms two things: The Hoff can go down in the books as one of the few adult men to surf in a floor-length fur coat on camera (2:07), and I will never be able to take him seriously again (2:28).

Posted by Mary

The Closest You’ll Ever Get to Kissing David Hasselhoff

To congratulate David Hasselhoff on being named “The Smoothest TV Star of 2011” (Wouldn’t Patrick Dempsey have been a better choice?), Del Monte has created a Hasselhoff-shaped popsicle. And you thought licking a SpongeBob ice cream was weird…

Del Monte’s newest ice pop, dubbed the “Hoffsicle” is molded to resemble the head and torso of America’s favorite fifty-something ex-Baywatch star. The real Hasselhoff is having a field day with the new treat, littering social media sites with goofy full-grin pictures of himself with the raspberry smoothie flavored ice-lolly and calling it “Hoffalicious.”

I always thought having a Barbie or action figure of yourself was the ultimate symbol of making it big; I think it’s safe to say that David Hasselhoff has now raised the bar, one Hoffalicious lick at a time!

Posted by Mary