Yes, I could bitch and moan for hours on the lack of subway etiquette that abounds on the MBTA (moms with enormous baby carriages, students who are drunk, tourists who are lost), but that would be a) typical behavior of an obnoxious acquaintance on Facebook or b) a sad, tired topic better suited for the op-ed section of The Daily Free Press (sorry, BU). Instead, I’m going to keep it simple and straightforward.
I present to you The Four Commandments of Riding the MBTA with Dignity, Class and Consideration*:
- Be aware that your backpack is an extension of yourself
I’m pretty sure they teach you this in kindergarten, but no one seems to remember. I’ve been groped and assaulted by far too many backpacks. Keep your shit in line.
- Don’t disrupt the entire train when it’s your stop
Getting out of your seat before the train/bus has stopped moving and causing people to rearrange themselves is not only inconsiderate but entirely unnecessary. I’ve never seen somebody miss their stop because they didn’t have time to exit. Sit the fuck down.
- Don’t tend to any corporal needs
Whether it’s eating, brushing your hair, clipping your nails, it’s all gross. So don’t do it. Ever.
- Don’t plaster yourself against a vertical handrail on a crowded train
A lot of people only need a few inches of rail to steady themselves between stations. If your entire torso is plastered against the rail and you’re hugging it for dear life like it’s your long-lost childhood teddy bear, no one else can grab it. This means that people will be body-slamming into you every time the train moves. If this is how you get your kicks, by all means, keep being an asshole.
*Also known as How Not to be a Douche While Using Public Transportation
Feel free to add your own. This is, after all, a declaration from the people.
Posted by Amelia
Editor’s Note: This blog was written and scheduled to be posted today on 10.6.2011. News on the new MBTA courtesy campaign reported in today’s paper is pure coincidence. Or is it?!?!?!