Hickory Dickory Dock, Silence that Biological Clock

With the passing of yet another birthday, my baby fever has shifted into high gear.  While I’m usually of the mind that child-bearing is best left to women whose gag reflex can tolerate minivans and stores with names like “A Pea in the Pod”, lately the thought of babies makes me feel warm in my hollow tin chest.  Curse you, babies!  You are sticky and whiny, yet adorable lady kryptonite.  So now, with nary a husband-to-be in sight, I am forcing myself to hit the snooze button on my biological clock by coming up with a list of diversions to serve as pill-free birth control:

1. Watch a video of a live birth
2. Sit through an entire third grade performance of “Fiddler on the Roof”
3. Carry around an egg or a bag of flour for a week, a la middle school home ec
4. Look at the price of college tuition – then look at my latest bank statement
5. Abstain from booze and coffee for a month…everyone knows I’m a coffee fiend
6. Try explaining where babies come from to a friend’s kid
7. Choke down a pickle and ice cream sundae
8. Volunteer to babysit the annoying kid upstairs – for free
9. Set an alarm to wake me up every hour, on the hour
10. Google episiotomy

Don’t get me wrong, I want kids someday and I give props to all the women out there who embrace motherhood with grace.  I just need a few more years to enjoy my self-indulgent twenties!

Posted by Abby